Managing Your Feelings Is Not My Job

“Whistling girls and crowing hens always come to some bad ends,” my grandma used to say, just before she would tell me that while I was a gracious loser (she was right; I am), I was a “very poor winner.”  By that, my grandma meant that I loved winning too much and that, when I did win, I wasn’t good at pretending not to care.  And, she was right; I do and I’m not; it’s made me a hell of a lawyer.  My grandma loved me and she was just trying to prepare me for what she called “the real world.”

One of the almost unconscious (and completely unpaid) jobs that women are doing all the damn time is managing their own behavior in order to manage men’s emotions.  We do it so much that we’re often not even aware that we’re doing it.  While the Jungian projection is that women are “too emotional” and “let their emotions run away with them,” the fact is that, of course, it’s most men who really can’t manage their own emotions.  Margaret Atwood famously said that men are afraid women will laugh at them, while women are afraid that men will kill us.  Women must never dress in ways that make it OK for men, who can’t control themselves, to rape us.  We must never lean in too hard or we will threaten the men.  We must soothe their hurt feelings, let them feel as if they won even when they lost, always be receptive to their desires.  Failure = death.  I do it all day long, the only woman in the room most of the time, figuring out exactly how to manage the mens’ feelings in order to herd us towards a legal strategy that will actually win the case, while letting this guy think it was all his own idea, letting the other guy imagine that he just won a point, gently dealing with the asshole who always interrupts me.

All women do it and we do it all the damn time.   It gets old.

As we’ve edged closer and closer to the moment (sometime within the next 24 hours) when America will, after 240 years, select a woman as the nominee of a major political party, women are being warned not to be, as my grandma would have said, “poor winners.”  On Facebook, Heather Michon, tongue in cheek, provided these helpful suggestions:

As the clock ticks down to Hillary Clinton winning her “presumptive nominee” badge, I thought I’d pass on a few helpful hints to Hillary supporters – the ladies in particular – about how you are expected to comport yourself over the coming days and weeks. These are tips I’ve gleaned from various FB posts, blogs, and opinion pieces over the weekend.

1) Don’t get too excited. There’s nothing notable whatsoever about a woman winning a major party presidential nomination, and most likely the presidency. Just because it’s never happened before doesn’t make it “historic.” History is the domain of men; HERstory is something that’s taught in Women’s Studies departments. One is fact, one is fringe. DO NOT compare one with the other.

2) Remember, the white guy could still save us. Team Sanders has every right to spend the next seven weeks trying to convince DNC superdelegates that YOUR vote counts less than the fact that Bernie reeeeeellllly wants to run for President. No, he’s not going to be able to convince them, but bursting that bubble would be so friggin’ unladylike.

3) Women Clinton Supporters: When talking about the primaries, always keep in the forefront of your mind that all Sanders supporters came to that decision through a rational and dispassionate comparisons of candidate platforms and philosophies. YOU voted with your vagina. Nothing good ever came out of a vagina. Nothing.

4) Don’t smile. Well, smile, for God’s sake – nobody likes a resting bitch face – but don’t smile *too much.* Don’t shout….it scares people! No outbursts! Play it safe: sit quietly, legs crossed at the ankles, hands folded on your lap. Employ a buddy system. If you feel a creeping sense of joy that threatens to spill out onto your face, have your friend elbow you hard, right in the boob. Repeat as needed.

5) If you absolutely must celebrate, go ahead. Everyone knows women are emotional creatures. Just remember, from here on out, everything is either all your fault, or complete luck. If Hillary wins with the 336-202 Electoral College blow-out Princeton’s Sam Wang is predicting at the moment, it’s because Donald Trump is such a weak candidate that a sea otter could have won by a country mile this year. If she loses it’s ALL. YOUR. FAULT. You, and your vagina.

Above all, we’re being told, don’t gloat.  Don’t spike the football, don’t high-five each other, don’t whoop and yell, don’t chest pound, don’t do anything to rub it in.  No!  Hillary and her supporters must wear ashes and do even more, and more, and more to “reach out” to the Bernie Bros.  Otherwise, their delicate feelings will be hurt and they will vote for Trump, or Jill Stein, or just stay home and peruse MRA websites.

Well, you know, I love my grandma.  She was born before women could vote in this country and she spent her days making her husband, her son, her grandson, her doctor, her minister, her landlord, her grocer, and any other man she met feel safe, adored, correct.  She’d have worried about how upset that nice old man, Mr. Sanders, must feel, losing to a woman.  And I love my grandma.

But, you know, fuck that shit.  I am declaring a 72 hour moratorium on women having to worry about men’s delicate feelings.  I’ve waited 60 years.  America has waited 240.  All 44 of America’s presidents — all 44 of them — have been men.  Suffragettes were beaten, spat upon, ridiculed, arrested, imprisoned, hung from their wrists, beaten, force-fed, and terrorized just to win women the right to vote.  I’ve shown up every election of my adult life and sent money to, handed out literature for, walked door-to-door for, and voted for one damn man after another.  I am going to spike the ever-loving hell out of this football, do a dance in the end zone, fall to my knees and call on Columbia, high-five everyone I know, do the wave, show the English my bum, and then I’m going to open the champagne and really get crazy.

I stood, almost 8 years ago to the day, listening to Hillary Clinton give her concession speech and throw her support to then-Senator Obama.  We were crowded in like sardines in the DC building museum, and I was standing next to a woman just a little older than I.  We got to chatting, standing on our swollen ankles there in the stifling heat, and learned that both of our dads had been union organizers and that that was what had led to our own interest in politics.  We wept a little bit together, sad to see that, once more, the cool young guy with no experience was winning out over the woman who’d paid her dues, earned her stripes, done what was expected, and then still failed because, well, reasons.  We held hands for a few seconds, both aware that, things being what they were, it was quite likely we’d die without seeing a woman president.  I took some pictures that I emailed to her afterwards.  I was thinking today that I wish I still had her email address.  I’d like to call her tomorrow and whoop.

We deserve that whoop.  We earned that whoop.  And even if I can’t whoop with her, I am going to go out under the brand new crescent moon and I am going to whoop like a banshee.

And so if you are a man who is going to have his feelings hurt tomorrow, who is going to be offended by women joyously celebrating a victory, maybe tomorrow would be a good day for you to go fishing with the guys.  Read a book.  Pound nails into things.  Watch old Archie Bunker re-runs.

But, you know what?  For a short time, managing your feelings is not my job.  I’m going to be too busy celebrating.  You do it for a change; it’s a tiring job.


240 responses to “Managing Your Feelings Is Not My Job

  1. Jane Gagle-Bennett

    Yes! I’ve been very irritated at being told that I’m gloating. I’m going to dance by the light of the moon also. I might even have a cocktail!

    • I’m female. I’m a Bernie supporter. I came to that stance because I looked at both candidates and decided that Bernie policies most matched what I believe we need in America today, right now. I also looked at the voting histories of both candidates and found myself shaking my head at the way Hillary changes her position with the changing political tides. Yet, you don’t even acknowledge we exist in your delightful ‘satire’ above; is it too much to believe that a woman might not support another woman purely becuase she is a woman in politics?

      Instead you crack jokes about BernieBros (who I have yet to encounter as Bernie supporter), and MRA websites. Most of the men I know personally who are Bernie supporters are deeply liberal and/or progressive and find MRA’s to be appalling examples of their gender. My support of Bernie has nothing to do with his or my gender; my male friends who support Bernie do it not because of his gender, but his policies and history. In reading so much the last few days, the only people who claim to care about the influence of gender are the women who think women should support a female candidates because she is female, a la Madeline Albright.

      Will I vote for Hillary? Yes, because the alternative is much much much worse. There is far too much at stake, particularly where it comes to SCOTUS . But by being condescending to me, and all the other women out there who supported Bernie because we believed in what he was saying, not becuase he was a man, but because he had a truly progressive agenda, you make it that much painful to push that button in November.

      • Kris Holmes

        Exactly. It’s deeply insulting to me to be told I must not like Hillary because she hs a vagina. That, my friends and sisters, is sexism.

    • I’ve been having nightly cocktails and a Valium since pharmacologists invented them in the 1800s. It’s the only useful thing men have done, why stop now? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve never danced around the man’s feelings. Their lack of understanding of feelings have always made them malleable. Now it will just be easier to take advantage of them 😉

  2. Hi 5ing and whooping with you!! I love this post and am sharing it on FB and that little birdie site!! xo

  3. I hear you about managing men’s feelings.

    This woman is a Bernie supporter and is looking forward to voting tomorrow (I’m in CA and like to vote at my polling place). I’m looking forward to voting my values.

    I’m thrilled that a woman has been running and has so many supporting her. I’ll admit to some frustration/irritation that the assumption that voting for Bernie/voting for Hillary is a binary choice dictated by one’s gender.

    I really dislike political manipulation (the whole calling the game before I’ve even voted) whatever the source.

    And I’ll manage my feelings just fine however the outcome. Thank you for your concern.

    • great job deliberately misunderstanding the article…good for you that you are voting your values but we Clinton supporters are voting our values as well and don’t really care for the implication that we are not…and unless you suddenly change sexes I don’t think anyone was offering to manage your feelings and the point is that we are not going to manage anyones feeling…period…

      • Hillary voters aren’t choosing her because she’s a woman? Hillary supporters are voting their values? Would that be the value that says it’s OK for our Secretary of State to take bribes in exchange for weapons that you paid for, delivered to the Saudis who give them to ISIS who use the to kill Americans and attack innocent people and rape women and children? Would those values of yours be the ones that say it’s OK for Hillary to bomb innocent people in Libya and Syria, or to destroy women and children in Honduras? Or to push fracking in poor nations to pollute the drinking water of those women and children she professes to care so much about in her speeches? Or the values that led her to fight against gay and lesbian equality, and to push the disastrous TPP. Oh wait, she recently flip flopped on those two, and you probably believe her. Maybe it’s your value that a SoS should be able to hide communications from the people who have a right to monitor that powerful position, in case someone secretly takes graft from frackers while also using your tax money to bribe leaders in foreign nations to give those “Clinton donors” fracking rights in their country. Great values you got there. Psst – I’m a middle aged woman. If I can find the truth about Hillary Clinton, so can you. Do a little research and stop listening to her lies.

      • @Pamela – she (and the Bernie or bust folks) aren’t saying that people who vote for Clinton aren’t voting their values, they’re saying anyone who votes for Clinton don’t have values worth voting for. When you point out to them that voting 3rd party or abstaining in the generals because Bernie isn’t the Democratic nominee will help Trump & the GOP, and that undermines progressive values they balk or justify the importance of their ideological purity and do a good job spouting GOP talking points. When you reiterate that the next POTUS will, sadly, be the one to nominate the judge to replace Scalia, RBG may be replaced in the next term, and that Trump has pledged to nominate a social conservative in line with the GOP’s platform and plans to set back civil rights whereas Clinton will work to assure women have the right to self-determination & make our own medical decisions, ensure LGBTQ have the same exact rights as “good Christian heterosexuals,” protect the rights of POC and religious minorities – all values Clinton supporters and Sanders supporters have in common – you get responses like “Bernie was pro gay marriage before Hillary was” and “Bernie will do more for other minorities than Hillary could do” to illogically justify why they would vote/abstain in a way that could lead to a Trump presidency. Then, of course, you have those who have said it’s OK if Trump wins because while he’ll do significant damage and countless people will be hurt, Trump will lead to a revolution (because, you know, revolution for the sake of revolution is always good even if it means we’re set back to the dark ages and will have to work for decade just to get exactly where we are now).

    • Likes Helen Hawk's post

      Thank you! Here’s another woman and Bernie supporter who happens to support Bernie because I am and always have been a Socialist. Love that Hillary is running and doing great, and also really love that a card-carrying Socialist is a major-party candidate. Also, irritated that anyone would vote for anybody based on gender… Suffragettes would grab their heads and moan in frustration. Oh, and the “managing men’s feelings” thing: yeah, do that every day. Very tiring.

      • Also irritated that you would think someone voting for Clinton was NOT voting their values and merely gender-voting. That’s demeaning to women who voted for Clinton. I voted for her because I thought she was the most qualified candidate overall. Anyone’s got a right to disagree with me and vote for someone else–but dissing someone else’s vote and mind-reading their reasons, imputing motivation, is not fair.

  4. Well, I don’t get to have any say in the vote but I woke up this morning to the BBC reporting that Hilary Clinton had won enough delegates to take the nomination and I was delighted. Go Hilary, go! I can’t wait to see you standing on the steps of 10 Downing Street with whoever is our PM at that time.

  5. Excellent post and yes, fuck that shit!

  6. I’ve voted for Hillary 3 times: SD 2008 (she won), NE caucus 3/5/16 (she lost 57-43, delegates awarded based on this), and NE primary 5/10/16 (she won 59-41). This 60-year-old white male will be celebrating in memory of my late older sister, and mother, and George S. McGovern, who got my first vote when I was 18 in his last successful campaign for the US Senate in 1974. My remaining four female siblings, as well as my remaining two male siblings, are all on Team Celebration on this historic day as well. The video is now in my top three favorite Hillary Clinton vids: Meryl Streep’s intro to Women in the World 2012 and the nomination speech in Denver 2008 by her being the other two. Here’s to herstory! I may be hungover for the first time in years later. With all due respect, I think that those who believe a “grumpy old man” will represent h/er values as POTUS are fooling themselves, whether the bloviating white guy is The Bern or The Donald.

  7. Preach!

  8. Interesting clip. In Australia we’ve barely seen anything about her. It’s all Trump! Trump! Trump!
    And we’re scared, quite frankly.

    • Don’t worry. Hillary has a double digit lead over Trump in a national poll taken just yesterday. She’s going to WIPE THE FLOOR with him in November (don’t know if you know that saying, but it means she’s going to beat the crap out of him)!!!

      • I hope so. But……I think that many are seriously underestimating the vitriol she inspires on the right. Hopefully, this does not translate into motivation to get out the Teabilly vote.

      • @Mark there’s actually as much, if not more, vitriol towards her form the Sanders supporters. They proudly attack her using the GOP talking points. I think the reason so many of them are saying they will abstain from voting or vote 3rd party is because they want her to lose so they can say “see Bernie should have been given the nomination because he would have beaten Trump” thinking we don’t know that Bernie would have the same struggle to beat Trump if the Clinton supporters were pledging to abstain or vote third party the same way the BernieorBust folks are.

    • sane americans are scared too, quite frankly. =)

    • I’m an American and I too am scared. I find both Clinton and Trump frightening prospects.

  9. Thank you for this. I haven’t felt abel to express my feelings on this subject because my FB feed is full of Bernie conspiracy theorists. I want to feel the joy African Americans felt when Obama was elected. No one except haters begrudged them the pure happiness of knowing someone who looked like them was for once in the White House. It was historic then, and it will be historic now, no matter what the haters say.

    • I’ve never been a good winner, either and I’ll be 70 next month. I’ve waited so long for this. I’m lucky that my husband and son are both serious Hillary supporters, so there’s that, but most of my family and friends were all for Bernie. I was taught to not upset the losers, too, and I’m obviously more timid than Hecate, so I’m not gloating on Facebook like I really want to. Thanks for giving me a place to let out a banshee scream of delight here with other people who see this as a BFD.

      • I also am a Hillary supporter and I’m not afraid to post pro Hillary stories on my sight. It always leads to some “well meaning” Sanders supporters viciously attacking me and claiming that I only support her and only like her because she’s a woman. I gently explain exactly why I will vote for her, and that’s it’s my page and I’ll post what I want to. And I have never treated my Facebook friends who are Sanders supporters in the same way that they’ve treated me.

  10. I’m a male, and I adjust my behavior to spare people’s feelings. I think that’s just being a decent human being. You SHOULD care about people’s feelings. Empathy is not a vice.

    • This story wasn’t about empathy. It’s about the seriously fragile male ego that woman have to pander to continually, and how utterly exhausting it is. And it’s true.

      • Yes it is true – especially the bit where we stay quiet and sweet while the man has a temper tantrum knowing that if we spat back we would be in serious shit. Yes. Very tired of that. I am a NZ woman married to a American in the rural midwest – This political campaign has left me gobsmacked, The sheer volume of hate. Most everyone down here hates Hilary. It is terrifying. I stay very quiet. You said it already though. Great article – thank you. I am not able to vote but Good luck. Happy dancing. c

    • Classy response. Thank you Ignatius!

    • Maureen Holley

      But do you adjust your behavior out of fear of physical violence and/or possible rape? Granted, those are the extreme ends of women saying things men don’t like, but ridicule, patronization, and discrimination are pretty debilitating, too.

      • Are we seriously suggesting that men do not adjust their behavior around other men? That male on male violence is non-existent?

    • Yes, yes, and obviously the more correct movement is #AllLivesMatter.

    • Most women who read this post knew exactly what the writer was trying to say; and probably 50 examples of just that day came instantly to mind. It’s not about empathy, it’s not even about keeping the peace. It’s about how woman as a gender ( whatever our sexual orientation) bend over backwards to nurse the fragile male ego.

  11. I intend to be an ungracious winner. I’m 100% PTSD/MST. So much so that the VA conceded I’m unemployable. And I hold a PhD. I’ve walked in her path. I want to drink my enemies’ tears. Yum.

    • Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! I kind of feel that way sometimes myself even though I don’t have PTSD/MST!

      • Thanks for the excellent analogy! When my team wins…as a fan, I celebrate. I don’t need to rub it in. People should be classy. We women, and men.

  12. Agreed with Ignatius. I’m a male. I’m happy for you. I don’t begrudge your celebrating. But apparently celebrating the win isn’t enough, you gotta add a little hate and malice into the mix too?

    Most people don’t find gloating to be a very attractive attitude. When a team wins the Super Bowl there is celebrating but there’s also a lot of being gracious to your opponent, being thankful to the rest of your team, to your fans, to your city, to your staff. You won – you get to be the winner – the idea is that winning should be enough for you. The fans didn’t really win, your opponent certainly didn’t win – do you have to win and also throw it in their face? People do occasionally choose that route – winning AND gloating – and it’s usually not well received.

    I’ll continue with the football reference that you initiated. Connor Cook was a quarterback from Michigan State who was drafted into the NFL this year. He was picked in the 4th round. Less than a year ago, experts thought he would be picked in the 1st or 2nd round, which compared to the 4th round is the difference between millions of dollars. Why did Connor Cook fall 2-3 rounds and lose out on millions? Not because he couldn’t play the game, not because he got hurt, not because he wasn’t mentally capable – but because people thought he acted like a dick when he won. He had a shitty attitude, he was cocky and selfish. This man (boy, really) didn’t manage people’s feelings and it cost him millions of dollars and a lot of humiliation in the national press. It’s almost as if being decent to other people, especially at times when you’re in a position of power or authority over them, is a universally revered human attribute.

    Plenty of football players don’t spike the ball when they score. The adage that most coaches tell their players is simple – When you score, act like you’ve been there before. You don’t need to spike the ball. Scoring a touchdown isn’t a big deal – you do this all the time. You’re a winner – you score touchdowns.

    So, maybe that’s the thing. You haven’t been there before. Women haven’t been here before. So you need to spike the football. That’s cool (not that you need my permission). Gloat a little. It’s a monumental occasion that, as a male, I can’t honestly relate to. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have lived my whole life (all nearly 30 years of it!) having never seen a male as president or in a lot of other powerful roles. Or this that and the other.

    But please know – If I don’t vote for Hillary in November, it has nothing to do with my delicate feelings being hurt and it has nothing to do with you.

    As I’m listening to her “victory” speech now, it seems like Hillary, fortunately for you, is showing a lot more tact than supporters like you. She’s acting like she’s been here before, she’s acting like she realizes that now is the time to be gracious and win support from people who feel down because their candidate lost (who likes to lose?!), not the time to spike the football and gloat. The work isn’t over, November isn’t here yet.

    A football game is four quarters long. Excessive celebration after a touchdown will get you a penalty and your coach will chew you out for being selfish, self-absorbed, for celebrating a momentary success at the expense of your teammates and coaches and family, and putting your own need for attention and validation above the ultimate goal of winning the whole thing.

    • Stay still! The WAAAAAAmbulance will be at your location soon!

    • “Most people don’t find gloating to be a very attractive attitude,” reduces women’s goals and purpose to being “attractive.” Nobody pulls aside Olympic athletes and says, “right, lookhere. You can be happy, but remember to focus on how others perceive your attitude. What makes the other athletes happy is REALLY what’s important, here.”

      • “Reduces women’s goals and purpose to being attractive?” No, I think you just did that. I was talking about certain human attributes and traits being generally not well received. Why do you need to make this about women and their looks?

        It’s kinda funny that your example of something that you believe never happens is actually almost exactly how the real world works. PR professionals are paid millions of dollars every year to train athletes on how to respond acceptably in the public light to winning and losing. Making the other athletes happy isn’t the motivation, it’s protecting the marketability of the athlete. Athletes that come across as self-absorbed rather than gracious when they win are less marketable.

        Don’t take my word for it (that’s a joke, you obviously won’t) – you can Google this and find that it’s true. It’s been decades since any professional athlete was on the world-stage and hasn’t been told how to conduct themselves professionally. Being a gloating, self-absorbed dick is not conducting oneself professionally and will hurt your marketability and ability to get and retain endorsements.

        Not sure what world you live in.

      • In what way did I make your comment about looks, when you implied that Hilary supporters should be concerned about what people like you consider to be attractive?

      • Or perhaps by “attractive,” you meant “magnets.”

      • Last time I checked we were talking about a political campaign. The entire point is for the candidate to be attractive to people like me (we’re called voters). Attractiveness is now a bad word? Like I said…it’s a good thing Hillary’s campaign managers aren’t nearly as dumb as her supporters. Attractiveness = irrelevant quality for a politician…LOL

      • Sorry, you’re so much cleverer than I am. You’re such a big, strong man with your big ol’ thinkin’ dick. I never would have considered ending such a well-considered argument with the QED-comparable “LOL.”

        You were, in fact, not discussing a political campaign in your original comment, but referencing the behaviour of her supporters. Whether or not I rank as one of them wasn’t something you considered asking, as you clearly assumed that “vagina = HC fanatic.” That’s a big assumption, and you know what they say about assumptions: it makes an ass out of you.

        How you cannot see that associating a word like “attractive,” instead of a myriad of other words, such as “appropriate,” “dignified,” and dare I say it, “Presidential,” speaks to the point I’m making. Crisps can be an “attractive” choice at the deli, but that’s not the way you were using it.

        But if you’d like to continue to pretend along those lines, I don’t mind. I generally get paid more to play along with men’s fantasies, but this one’s on the house.

      • Sorry. You made an ass of yourself with your first comment when you were being so, so clever by pointing out how ridiculous my statement was, that world-class athletes would get coaching on how to act when they win. That line of argument conveniently disappeared when I exposed your point to be utterly false.

        I’m sorry you’re so offended that I used the word attractive instead of appropriate when I was talking about the behavior of a bunch of football players after winning the Super Bowl. Sorry for hurting your feelings. “Attractive: having beneficial qualities or features that induce someone to accept what is being offered.”

        I don’t recall you saying you have a vagina (or are a woman) so I’m not sure why you’re making that accusation. I never referred to your gender or sex and could care less. I had no idea you were a woman until this last post. Keep trying. What were you saying about assumptions?

        Hillary supporters keep wanting it both ways. They want to celebrate her accomplishments like they were responsible for her success, but don’t want to shoulder any of the responsibility for acting gracious as winners and bringing more supporters into the mix so that she can actually win the presidency and not just the nomination. Make Hillary do all the work, take credit for her win, and make the road harder for her to actually win. Makes a lot of sense.

        LOL seemed to provoke what I intended since you’re now calling me names related to my physical endowment. Getting a little emotional? I thought women didn’t do that.

      • Apology accepted. And I’m actually not getting emotional. I’m not writing long, rambly comments about how unattractive all these women are being. But I imagine having a decent conversation is challenging for you (I haven’t seen you do it, yet, so it’s just a guess), so I can see how you might be confused. If we’re being honest, I’m enjoying it. There again, it may have been a while since you’ve seen a woman honestly enjoy herself, so don’t be too scared.

        Though I will say, I wasn’t a Hillary supporter before. You’ve certainly convinced me to be one, now.

        And with that, I wish you goodnight. Yes, I could keep going, but frankly, I’m not getting paid to fake any more interest in your misogynistic little digs about “women getting emotional,” or not being attractive enough for you to salivate over and fap to when you’re alone.

        All the best!

      • If bookending your an attempt at a debate with an utterly false claim to start and then ending with a long string of ad hominem attacks, while landing zero arguments along the way, is what gets you off – more power to you. Here’s to women!

    • lol men literally have fist fights, even kill each other and beat their wives because of sports. So you can f*ck right off with this ‘men are gracious’ cr*p. When Osama was killed I saw footage of Americans (mostly male) cheering, jeering and partying. All we want is to be able to say “f*ck yeah” for a damn important and wonderful historical occasion in which nobody died, and we’re getting lectures from your patronizing ass about ‘tact’. Hilary is playing the game well, that’s for sure, but it’s up to us, the masses, to change that game, so yeah, p*ss off honestly.

  13. Dude, WE aren’t the ones who are running for President. You can better believe that Hillary Clinton isn’t going to be gloating, she’ll be the most gracious winner there is. WE are the crowd in the football stadium cheering for those who ARE running, and there is NOTHING that states we can’t yell and scream, and tell people sitting next to us who have been loudly and arrogantly rooting for the other team even though they’re sitting on our side of the stadium, that our team JUST WON! Wooo hooo! I have NEVER seen a “fan” not jump up and down, not throw his beer on someone, or not gloat when his team just kicked the crap out of the other team… especially a team who have, by the way, been whining and making excuses the ENTIRE GAME about how it’s rigged and nobody loves them. So, nice try on the analogy, but you’re so off it doesn’t make any sense. I’m part of the crowd who is going to celebrate like it’s 2016 and we just made HISTORY and I don’t care who it bothers!!!!!!!!! P.S. I was rooting for Hillary in 2008 as well when she lost, and I didn’t begrudge Obama supporters for celebrating and “rubbing it in.” But then, Hillary supporters are a special kind of people. We get behind the winner when we need to in order to support a great cause… unlike the “rigged system” people who are big fat whiners. The rubbing it in part??? They brought it all on themselves.

    • You are my new favourite, VA.

    • I didn’t come up with the football spiking analogy, OP did.

      I thought we as a society had all pretty much established that it looks silly when a group of adults (fans) take shit more personally and seriously (publicly) than the people actually playing the game. If your candidate isn’t celebrating like the game is over, maybe you should take a cue from her?

      If you pour a beer on an opposing fan after your team wins, you are certainly going to get yelled at and likely punched. That’s just absurd. Celebrating your team winning is not the same thing as going out of your way to make the loser feel worse. Kinda like Ignatius pointed out – where the hell did general human decency go in this discussion?

      But the larger point, I guess it needs to be more explicitly spelled out, is that Hillary hasn’t won yet. She’s not even the official nominee until July. She can’t win the presidency until November. The game isn’t quite over yet. I don’t understand the logic in alienating a group of voters who can help your candidate win, what I thought was the group’s actual goal (the presidency, not just a party nomination), just because a few individual supporters take it upon themselves to decide now is the time to gloat, to hell with the rest of the team who is trying to play the rest of the 4th quarter and win the game.

      Just like the coach tells the player who gets the penalty for excessive celebration after the touchdown…is it really more important to you that YOU get to celebrate now, even though that hurts OUR chances of winning the game?

  14. I think that it is perfectly fine to feel exuberance with a win of anything. but honestly, do you really support China and jobs over seas? she said China was very important, but only because all of our goods are made there. it’s getting rid of American jobs she publicly said she was for without saying she was for. no what I mean 🙂 and with that the rise in crime because people are now underemployed and can’t live on wages and 20 hours of overtime are making people sick. but wait, we have mandatory health care now that you must pay for with those shit wages or else be fined. oh, lets not forget the advocation of overthrowing other governments and setting them up with puppet governments that we mysteriously pay millions to every year all of a sudden. she stood at a podium and screamed at the top of her lungs we will bomb Russia and bomb them and we won’t stop! I know this personally. but, there were no media at that speach 🙂 just lobbyists. for certain businesses…how about advocating if we are about winning, then that means America winning. not a select few of created blue bloods. the new royalty beyond laws and culpability. lets look at the record, shall we? lets look at libya. she was secretary of state. she was responsible for our embassy. an ARB years before said the secretary of state was responsible for directly going to and inspecting any embassy and the security there. she sent a team into Libya when everybody else was leaving because of attacks and bombings. she sent them in with as much security as the embassy in peaceful France! gee, sounds like indirect murder to anybody with half a brain. especially since the embassy came a calling somthing to the tune of 600 times for more security and it went unanswered. she has many things that point to her being a loathsome creature. I would love to see a woman president. how about Elizabeth Warren? there is maybe someone with principal. but this thing that courts bad clouds over her and our land? we will surely reap the just thunderstorm and rain that follows with a vote for this one.

  15. Maggie Tidwell

    First of all, I resent being referred to as a Bernie Bro. Not all Sanders’ supporters are college-aged white males who think “nothing good ever came out of a vagina” (wtf does that even mean?!)
    I am a 67 year old feminist who has spent her life trying to create (at least in my piece of the universe) a just and compassionate world. I would very much love to vote a female into the White House… an honest, morally courageous visionary with a history of anti-war, anti-Wall Street, civil rights activism. A woman who speaks truth to power. A woman who is not owned by the corporatocracy. Is that who you believe Hillary to be? Do you honestly believe that all of the documented corruption within the Clinton Foundation and the scandals and corporate cow-towing associated with Hillary are all lies invented by us Bernie Bros in order to disgrace your Athena?
    If Elizabeth Warren were running, I would be working on her campaign night and day. But no, you will not shame me into voting for Hillary because she has a vagina. A candidate must have more than a vagina to get my vote. She must have a soul.

    • Brilliant Maggie!!!!

    • christopher j

      Maggie, as a gay male and a feminist (although I still do not understand the specific struggles women face because I haven’t experienced them), I support your commitment to equality. With that said, your idol Elizabeth Warren just endorsed Hillary enthusiastically, as did Obama, and as Sanders will shortly. I honestly think that the attacks against Hillary are overblown at the least, while some are outright lies. Running a country requires tough decisions, and I believe that Hillary can and will make them. Hillary voted for Iraq because of the misinformation that was given to her, and she has cited that vote as her greatest regret. Hillary is adamant about overturning citizens united. I have never seen any actual evidence that Hillary is beholden to Wall Street or corporations. I look at her record. I don’t think it’s all “lies by the Bernie Bros,” but I think you are taking the facts in these cases and coming to different conclusions than I am. You say it’s straight up corruption, and I disagree.

  16. By all means, celebrate. But get rid of the “Bernie Bros.” bullshit. There are millions of women who have supported Sanders and I’m one of them. I’m 46 and middle aged and stopped pandering to hurt feelers from either gender years ago. If you’ve been holding the hands of your male coworkers and acquaintances all your adult life just to make headway; who’s fault is that? You can’t blame men because *you* play into it. You grow up and let them grow a spine. They’ll live through it. Stop enabling them and stop complaining about the position *you* have put yourself in by doing so. My mother used to tell me that if you have the same problem over and over with people to keep in mind that I’m the largest common denominator. You have the option to stop this. So you either enjoy being the heavy sighing victim or you’re just a wuss.

    I have way too much to get done in a day without patting some guy on the head because he’s as sensitive as his own testicles. Rather than bemoaning the place in your life that you created so you wouldn’t hurt feelings, stop worrying about their feelings and move on. Enjoy the celebration you played no part in winning and I say this for one reason: I’m no fan of $hillary and never will be, but she got where she is because she doesn’t hand hold a bunch man-toddlers. You don’t fit in her category and until you do,you have nothing to celebrate..

    • ha ha ha, man-toddlers.

    • La Femme Artiste

      Congratulations, it is a very bitter pill watching and listening to the spreading entitlements of GenXers and Millennials… No one will be able to help “you” get just how much it has taken this country to get to this truly aweful moment in our nation’s history. We HAVE accomplished a lot. We DO still have much more work to do, and you all do NOT know how to sacrifice, fight hard, risk life and limb- but you fi know how to bitch, expect, whine and demand more, more, more. You’ve come up in the wake of the Clinton era economics- when all was “peace and prosperity.” Like over-indulged human beings that is all you know- expect more.
      What might America actually be, if we ALL weren’t so dependent on the ever-expanding first-world, spoiled teens-at-too-much-Christmas BICKERING, over petty, reactionary differences?
      Who we ALL have to vote for at this point in time in America, is a reflection of none other than the collective entirety of all ages, right now. It’s US! ALL OF US.
      If the candidates, the economy, the chronic dependency on war, for starters, is so unacceptable, do something really different. Instead of only upping the ante complaining and attacking differences about what is already not working. How is that better??
      Thank goodness for a Democracy, even in shambles, where one Baby Boomer woman, as it so happens, can vent her opinion about the current Presidential campaign.
      Everybody else is just reacting, bickering and squabbling to and about one person’s individual post.
      Can you hear yourself at all?

    • I think there is a lot of truth in this. I do like the ‘men as sensitive as their own testicles’ comment, it made me laugh.

  17. Maggie, who called you a Bernie Bro? Oh right, NO ONE.

    You will not shame us for voting for someone because she has a vagina since that is a LIE that you tell yourself about us to CON yourself into believing that your idea that other women are inferior to you is based on merit and not gender. I am so tired of being attacked by sexist liars, even female ones.

    And seriously, anyone who came here to chastise us as “uninformed” because we disagree with you and you can’t even bother to find out why? Just grow up instead. Try getting informed. We’ve been telling you for months to shut up for two seconds and listen or you’re going to lose and you can’t even do that NOW when you’ve lost.

    Not everything is about you and you don’t always get your way. Learn to deal with it. We older ladies have been dealing with it for a long time, obviously longer than Maggie.

    I also require a candidate who has something to offer besides a vagina and thankfully, we did get ONE of those. Sexism is a deal breaker and Sanders broke the deal repeatedly and unrepentantly. And yes, I do know that and don’t care that you disagree. My opinion on the matter is obviously more informed.

    You just cannot leave it alone. You’re appalling, the lot of you.

  18. Terre Foreman

    Great article that captures what I feel today but who is the author? I don’t like to share if I can’t give credit.

  19. My music teacher made the class sing that whistling girls and crowing hens song back in elementary school in 1956. The boys whistled, the girls sang. Except I refused. I protested. I was disciplined. I won. The song was dropped from the roster. I whistled.

  20. OMG……… How appropriate! Last night I massaged the ego of my male tennis friend so that he still appeared manly even though he had to cancel our tennis date today because he hurt his itty bitty little ankle running after a drop shot from some nasty tennis player. Because of this brilliant article, I now plead guilty to my 74-years of massaging men’s egos so that I don’t hurt their itty bitty little feelings. Ugh. What a jerk I have been, but only to survive. No mas. Hillary, I’m going to be totally out of order in my celebrations!!!!!!!!!

    • Good for you Linda M. Every woman with a heartbeat hears a click at sometime in her life and you at 74 just heard and felt yours. Now, go forth and celebrate because we have a tough, brilliant, feminist U.S. president who finally succeeded. Let’s not forget the millions of little girls and young women who will see Hillary as president and say to themselves, “I can do that.”

  21. I can’t believe how many people completely misunderstand the whole point of this article. It’s not about who you voted for our who you support, it’s about breaking the rules of how women are “supposed” to act. It’s about being proud of how far we have come as a nation that a woman can make it this far. And we should be excited about this!
    I really needed to read this because I haven’t been excited, I’m so burnt out from this long ass election that I lost sight of the fact that regardless of who wins this nation, this world, is changing for the better, slowly, but we’re getting there. 50 years ago this was unheard of.
    I voted for Bernie in the primary, but I’ll be voting for Hillary in November.

  22. For me, I was with the article until it got all nasty about being a Bernie Sanders supporter. Just as it gets tiring to be talked down to for “voting with your vagina,” I am sick and tired of being told by feminist supporters of HC that I am “voting against my vagina” because I support Sanders. Fuck that shit. To me, sexism is not voting against HC, it’s only having exactly one woman candidate to consider voting for in the history of my country.

    I do admit it will be really nice to see a lady face in the White House on some level, but I have extremely strong objections against this particular candidate. It will be interesting for me to hold the competing feelings of joy at seeing a woman nominee and the distrust I feel for her as a politician and my very deep disgust with her voting record as a Senator. I hope Sanders fights her to the bitter end.

  23. Love your post; politics is becoming more and more popular. I think it is because of Trump, not Hillary or Bernie. It is look like the country on the verge of civil war. Who do you think will be next president?

    Love, Health, and Wealth,
    Alex Moses
    Awakened Business Coach

  24. I am happy that Secretary Clinton is the nominee, I think she will make an outstanding President.

    I would like to note raise an issue with the introductory theme of tiresome placation, specifically across gender lines.

    Are you under the impression that most men can behave with impunity regarding lethal aggression from dominant men? Are you under the impression that men don’t suffer violence at the hands of other men?

    There are more than 3 times as many male homicide victims as female victims. The vast majority of the perpetrators are male, but the vast majority of victims are also male.

    Women are not the only ones who have to placate to survive. How many times were you beat up at school? How many times were you mugged, at school? How many times have you run for blocks for fear of serious physical harm? I have lost count on all of these.

    From across the gender line it may be difficult to distinguish between men in fear and men to fear. I can assure you that men in fear do not get sympathy and are told they deserved the beating they deserved for not being man enough. Does that sound familiar?

    You can regard all men as les enfants terrible, but the ones voting with you, who have been voting with you for a long time, will appreciate it if you are able to differentiate us.

  25. Above all, we’re being told, don’t gloat. Don’t spike the football, don’t high-five each other, don’t whoop and yell, don’t chest pound, don’t do anything to rub it in. No! Hillary and her supporters must wear ashes and do even more, and more, and more to “reach out” to the Bernie Bros.

    YES. Regardless of who your favorite candidate is, you can´t deny that the media puts a cultural pressure on female candidates to maintain their submissiveness in subtle ways.

  26. Whoop whoop! I’m with the lady!

    If Bernie bros are so butthurt, they can vote for trump.

    • Bernie “bro” here (isn’t a man) and I would NEVER VOTE for Donald Trump in a MILLION YEARS. Make America Hate again? The Donald can go FUCK himself!

  27. Indian citizen here, no vote there. Great post either way, loved it! 😀

  28. OH MY GOD this is amazing. Every last word reminds me of my total bad-ass mother and my total bad-ass sister, which just thrills me to fucking death. I’m going to read this whenever I need a jolt of positivity and clarity. Gloat as much as you want. Be loud. Be proud. You’ve earned it and then some. Every woman who’s ever felt disrespected, overlooked, dismissed, insulted, or worse–been the target of threats and violence–I will never fully know what you’ve dealt with but I am with you and I believe in you. You all inspire me with your pride, your passion, your grit and determination, and this post is exactly what the world needs to hear. Whether they fucking like it or not.

  29. I stopped worrying about the feelings of one man six years ago. Talk about tiring, it damned near killed me.

    Excellent post. I will not worry about sparing the feelings of any man when it comes to Hillary. Given her inevitable opponent and his outrageous and inappropriate behavior and rantings, I see no reason why Hillary supporters cannot scream from the highest mountain. I’m with you.

  30. Reblogged this on specialblogger812 and commented:

  31. Paula Berlowitz

    Babe, if you don’t mind, I’ve posted on my blog about this text. Really loved it! (I’m Brazilian and would like my readers to see it. Here is the link: Congrats for it! 🙂

  32. As an expat in Europe, I’ll be very interested to see how Trump intends to run a campaign that doesn’t start and end with “bitchez are crazy!!” As a Dominatrix, it IS gratifying to see a woman on top… in the political sense.

  33. I’m not from US so I’m no Hillary or Trump supporter, but the second paragraph of your blog is true on almost all accounts, this women failing to please men=death is common situation in Asian countries (I am from Pakistan and I see situations like this a lot). Thumbs up for the second paragraph! 🙂

  34. What would become of us if we expressed our confidence and personal empowerment for everyone to see!!!

  35. This article is a good look into the nuances of what women have to deal with when dealing with men; I have no doubt it’s annoying, especially when men act like pigs. I do wonder though when we’ll get to the point where you would have supported Hillary for reasons of character versus gender. Choosing to be happy about her victory because she’s the first woman to win a national primary certainly makes sense the first time around, but now that the precedent is set (I do greatly hope she beats Trump for POTUS), can gender matter less next time around? We can guess at the answer of course, by reflecting about how our first black president has impacted racism – it’s been talked about more, but the very success has driven haters to dig in their heels. One can hope for a better outcome for Hillary and the case for gender equality.
    I do take issue with the supposition that Obama was ‘less qualified’ than Hillary and that he won only because he was male. We can’t really know for sure I suppose, but his track record over the 8 years since should merit at least a little respect by now.

    • Maureen Holley

      I support Hillary for her character and her life time of dedicated service to our country. Assuming that I don’t, and that I only support her because of her gender, is an insult to my intelligence. But then, that point was inherent in the above article.

      • Yes, I agree with you Maureen. What an insult. I would never have voted for a Republican woman, or anyone if I didn’t think she was brilliantly and completely qualified. I’m tired of male thinking and putdowns of women, whether the thinking comes from males or females.

  36. restlessprofesh


  37. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You have said with great effect what I have been feeling. I haven’t heard another person say about the election in 2008 the same words I have been saying “…once more, the cool young guy with no experience was winning out over the woman who’d paid her dues, earned her stripes, done what was expected, and then still failed because, well, reasons.” And, I too am so very frustrated by the “let’s all keep quiet about our joy – don’t want to offend the Sanders supporters.” No one cared about that in 08.

    Finally, we have broken this glass ceiling, and we have one more. Thank you for this gift!

  38. Success Strategies

    Totally delightful article that is not only solidly amusing but absolutely true! Hail to your dear grandma! She prepared you well!
    And oh by the way, hope the lady from the museum finds you somehow so you can call her up and whoop!!

  39. “She’s a liar” “corrupt” “if you did your research” “media is lying” “another Hillary shill” “educate yourself” “Hildabeast fans are so condescending”


    “Enthusiasm gap” “I don’t know any Hillary fans” and so on.

    In other words “shut up shut up shut up!” Then “well I haven’t heard your opinion”

  40. Great article! I’m British and personally my views fit Bernie’s more than Hillary’s but if she wins I will be glad to see a woman making history, even if we don’t share the same views. A female in arguably the most powerful position in the world would definitely be worth celebrating!
    Even if Hillary isn’t the ideal candidate in my view, she is clearly the best option over Donald Trump (not that that’s particularly difficult to achieve!). A lot of people over here, especially a few American friends of mine studying here, are discussing Margaret Thatcher and her impact as the first female Prime Minster of the UK. She wasn’t great (or so I’ve heard, my politics certainly don’t line up with hers and even my fairly right wing dad doesn’t like her) but we can’t deny that she was a strong woman, as is Clinton – and while we can be wary of Clinton’s politics assuming that she will turn out like Thatcher is just plain sexist. I hope that Hillary Clinton uses her strength wisely and proves to be a good leader.
    On a more general note on the topic of women celebrating – go for it! Pardon my language but fuck what men think; if they’re too fragile to cope with seeing women happy that’s their problem not yours! Of course, we should be respectful to people who are disappointed by whatever it is we’re celebrating, but that isn’t a gender thing- it’s common decency and men should understand that too!

    • It is 100 years too late or may be more? I think, girls should shut guys up when Thatcher was a PM. Anyway, 4 years later, after Hill’s presidency everything will be the same!

  41. WHOOP! WHOOP! Love it! I am a southern woman and I manage my emotions Iin order to manage my son (he is 35) and my husband’s, for YEARS! Last month I told my son I was finished with that portion of my life. So when Hillary wins she gets my whoop and I don’t care who has to deal with themselves! It’s not our job anymore.

  42. Lot of people are missing the point. You can’t wait forever for that perfect candidate to show up. Sure, Hillary is not everyone’s cup of tea (not mine) but she is kicking the door open for others (Elizabeth Warren, I hope) to follow. And that is significant.

  43. I read the article and thought it was great. I stayed for the comment section just to read the male reactions.. Why? Reasons that only continue to prove your point.

  44. Nice post. Checkout my blog for an awesome space adventure story.

  45. Hell yes! The only thing better would be HRC riding into the convention in July singing Yippee Kai-eh Motherfucker at the top of her lungs.

  46. Of course you care about male feelings. That’s why you’re talking about them right now, writing a whole column about them. Because you’re trying to provoke MORE feelings, and watch as men try to sputteringly suck them down, as they always do. Because men must always, always be ashamed of their feelings, especially the ones where they wish they were happy but aren’t.

    Women are master manipulators of men. Women don’t try to please men. Women try to make men think that SOMEDAY they’ll be pleased, even though their day-to-day lives are a living hell. So make yourself up in sexy makeup, promise a happy future, and wait and watch him work.

    That way, men keep stumbling along thinking “when does the happy part start? oh look … boobies yay!” until they finally blow their brains out and the women inherit their stuff.

  47. Really enjoyed reading this post, and I must say: ‘it’s awesome’

  48. Amen and Amen! Let’s hear it for her!

  49. I really needed this today! Thanks! I’m so happy I found this.

  50. I’m a 30 year old woman from Germany and I have never heard that kind of advice you mention. I think you have a strange perspective on women in the U.S. … or you might just generally care to much about what other people think of you? Oo

    Over here, I see women not having a lot of self esteem, and sometimes being too modest. But I’ve never heard anything about controling positive emotions. Quite the contrary, that is something I only hear about men. Women dance, laugh, sing, argue and tell off their husbands. Men are always supposed to be sensible and ernest here. Girls greet with hugs and kisses, men with a firm handshake.

    Your position is very interesting, but it could as well come from a different planet….

    • Agree. The whole Europe culture is different. And I grew on it. It is a different inspiration. Look at the Merkel! That’s a leader! The only thing is when German girl stop care for a man she often start to look like a man

  51. I don’t understand why people attach themselves so strongly to someone who kinda in a way looks somewhat a little bit like that. How is that a victory for anyone? The accident of the gender of someone seeking control of other peoples’ lives via the state is the last thing of concern to me personally. I see no reason to celebrate or be offended by it. It just completely misses the point.

  52. Reblogged this on shadowalking and commented:

  53. Culture being what it is, it was our grandmothers who kept it going, and then our mothers, and their male sins are the men of today whose feelings we are still managing. One by one, and en masse, we need to declare we won’t do it anymore. Those of us who are mothers to sons have an especially hard job in this, to raise them in a way that respects their feelings enough to help then learn to be responsible for them, not to stuff them, or act them out, or foist them off on the nearest female. Mothers are the first nearest female, and while surely we deserve no blame for how men are raised, we do have the burden of doing it differently for the most part without help from their fathers, who had their mothers, and not us. If ever there were a needed revolution, this is it. And it can’t succeed one family at a time, when the systems we have don’t support change. We need to develop support systems of our own for this.

  54. AMEN for this post. Thank you a million times over.

    My social media feeds have lit up today with people (yep, usually men, even well-intentioned Hillary-supporting men) warning us not to “gloat” or be “smug” about Clinton’s win. HILL-NO. I will cheer, I will yell, I will gloat, I will be smug, I will do it loud & proud! A-FREAKIN-MEN. It’s our time. Our candidate won. We finally got the victory we wanted & worked for. Not only that, it’s historic.

    And if it were the other way around? Bernie’s supporters would be cackling & crowing about their ‘revolution’ & rubbing it in our our faces with glee. There should be zero doubt about that. With all the online rancor shown by the Bernie base, it’s highly unlikely they’d be the most gracious & civil winners themselves.

    Give it at least 24 hours. Let’s have a blast reveling in this moment & not give a fig about what “they” think! It’s our time, our moment, our win.

    And tomorrow, we go on to fight the bigger fight.

  55. Reblogged this on On and Off the Mat and commented:
    awesome. Tks

  56. Reblogged this on Eliane Fersan and commented:
    An amazingly well written piece! It so happens that I just read it after I had witnessed the discomfort one man exhibited at the sight of a news report about the historic win Hillary Clinton locked out yesterday. I mean, he was really disgusted he could not even finish is “Salade Niscoise”. And you would think a sophisticated guy in the 21st century sitting in the OBGYN wait area eating a sophisticated Salade Niscoise would be less offended to see women celebrating the nomination of the 1st woman president to a major world leading economy, and what he and his likes believe it to be the greatest nation on earth.
    And of course this guy and his likes will be very upset and discomforted at the sight of all these feminists which came out of nowhere celebrating a long due and well earned win.
    As my Arab kins would say: yalla ta shouf. Deal with it and be gone!
    Here is a great read, for a good cynical laugh about all the bruised feelings of those who cannot be gracious losers, the way we have been for centuries.

  57. Deborah Pearson

    Love this! Must read for anyone who is &/or anyone who loves a woman.

  58. Thank you! I loved reading this on the bus to work this morning!

  59. A second milestone for the US (Obama being the first) and one everyone should be extremely happy about. 2008 the Democrat party was spoiled for choice, and lucky enough in 2016 that Hilary is back again. Obama is a statesman, and Clinton will be too.

    But, don’t expect anything specific from a specifically female president. The US has lagged behind larger and smaller countries, more progressive and more backward countries in having a female head of state. In very few of those countries did a female head of state do anything that tangibly improved things for women specifically or the country generally. There’s no ‘feminine’ leadership qualities magically brought to bear, and the country won’t be happier or worse off purely because of the gender of the leader (ask anyone who lived in Argentina during Peron, Britain during Thatcher, India during Ghandi, Brazil right now). I lived in a country that had two women competing for leadership of the country: one was terrible; the other much better. After the glow of attaining the milestone passes, you’ve got to live with another politician who makes good or terrible choices

    Luckily, Clinton is the best candidate by a long stretch, because she is experienced, tenacious, and and many more adjectives. This was obvious months and months ago.

    She’s also a woman, which is really just the frosting on the cake (yay! milestone!) Some people really like frosting. Really really like it. Like little kids at parties who jump up and down and shout and scream and high five each and get excited by frosting.

    So maybe calm down – you’ll have eight years to enjoy the cake.


  60. Wow, if you craft your legal arguments the same way you crafted this pap I’m sure you are a great lawyer…for the opposing side. But I guess you can gloss over Hillary’s long history of misogyny because she’s a woman (yay! milestone!). What a useful idiot.

    • Don’t forget Hillary’s support of her husband’s long history of misogyny, sexual assault, sexual harassment, and abuse of his Presidential power. Women other than Flowers and Lewinsky have said that Bill Clinton has raped or sexually assaulted them. Women believe Bill Cosby’s accusers but they don’t believe Bill Clinton’s accusers. It’s pathetic!

  61. I am with you 100% that women have been crapped on throughout most cultures and am gratified that humanity now has the opportunity to place a woman in charge of a country that spends most of its wealth on murdering people in the millions to control their resources and whose most successful businesses are involved with marvelous ingenuity in the creation of weapons including huge improvements in nuclear weapons whose only virtue is to destroy the planet’s capability to support life. Electing a black president to destroy the wealth of most of black people in the country was a stroke of genius and sending huge numbers of black Americans into profitable private prisons was a wonderful way to the enrich the wealthy even more. Now that a woman is set to be in charge of the burgeoning military effort to attack Russia and China for not being subservient to US policies, the resulting nuclear holocaust that will end all current human civilization. Thank goodness we will be able to blame women for that. Margaret Thatcher was a neat introduction to the destructive capabilities of a woman but Hillery’s opportunities are far greater and her enthusiasm for mass murder in Libya and Syria and her vote to support G.W.Bush’s idiotic smashing of Iraq qualifies her wonderfully to be in charge when her wealthy supporters finally stuff their pockets with dollars that will be very useful to start fires in the caves of all those few humans that survive a radioactive world.

  62. Great post! I totally agree!

  63. I cringe at the thought of the author and many of the more supportive commenters raising sons. I wonder: do you raise them to respect women as equal or to tear themselves down instead?

  64. I love everything in this article a thousand different ways. Thank you!!

  65. Uh, no man is gonna be “upset” that a girl is happy to have won. And no man rapes cause a women is wearing certain clothing

  66. You caught us red handed.

  67. Phil Keppeler

    Love it! I’m a dude. I’m gloating with you. Go Hillary! It’s time, and she’s the best candidate regardless of her gender.

  68. I think the article is definitely worth giving a thought. We actually forget to even think about something abnormal about caring for men’s feelings because we have made ourselves think that it is normal.
    Thanks for such an article.

  69. Yes. Thanks for sharing. F society

  70. Hear hear! Dude here, and I couldn’t be happier myself, but I think I’ll wait a few days to celebrate. Always get my whooping done better under the half-moon, and I need more light to spot the raccoons before I accidentally dance on them.

    Not much to say about the other main thrust of the article, beyond agreeing it’s messed up. I hope I’m not contributing to the problem, and I’ll try to be self-aware enough to fix myself if I am.

  71. Hilary’s clumsy personal appearance reflects her professional clumsiness – sloppy in e-mail security and trying to turn her wishes for the Arabs into their spring which is no under permafrost. But if elected, Americans will feel good about themselves for having elected a female president.

  72. How about this? After that 72 hour moratorium is over, we reserve the right to extend it. Indefinitely.

  73. Totally agree! I am sick of people assuming that I only vote for Hillary because she’s a woman (therefore completely invalidating any personal intelligence I have). Sorry for all the terrible comments on here that fail to understand what your post is getting at.

  74. Yes, yes, and YESSS!!! Thank you so much for this refreshing post! Working in a tech company full of men, I know exactly what you mean. I love that Facebook post you shared as well, gave me a good chuckle hehe.

  75. And, this ladies, is why men believe you should stick to making babies and taking care of your man. Hillary qualified for President? Pffffft.

  76. Love this article. I myself have always been an outlaw. I have never thought a man is better, or should have better treatment than a woman. Just the opposite. So many rules in a mans world. I say the same thing. Fuck it.

  77. This a thousand times. Sexism is no insidious, half the time I’m not even aware it is happening.

  78. I LOVE this article! Brava. You’ve nailed it.

    And by the way, I hate this resting bitch face idea, as if women are always supposed to be smiling. Screw that. I smile as a reaction to something, and definitely not because some man tells me to.

  79. This man is celebrating in the joy of this historic event. While not able to spike the ball as a member of the female team, I do have joy is seeing and understanding theirs. If there is a female not doing an end zone dance right about now, they need to educate themselves on the journey. A victory for any team of peoples groups, is a victory for all. It’s another happy dancing time!

  80. Thank you. A very well expresed article. Thank you.

  81. Well said! I haven’t really thought of it that way and your words really resonated with me. I’m feeling undervalued at home right now for my opinion and point of view. I have been managing other people’s feelings, my husband and son, for too long and I think it has made the situation worse and not better. I am thrilled that Hillary is doing so well and can’t wait to vote for her (again!) in the general election 🙂

  82. Sometimes one wins, and sometimes one learns.

  83. I am a Bernie supporter. Of course, I’m disappointed in the outcome of this primary. Will I vote for Hillary? That’s still up in the air. And while I find this post amusing, I find your description of men disingenuous. I know no man who was for Bernie who was against a woman. They might not like Hillary, but it wasn’t because she is a woman. It was because she is Hillary.

    I would have voted for Elizabeth Warren. If she were alive, God rest her soul, I would’ve charged the gates of the White House to install Ann Richards into that Oval Office. But Hillary Clinton neither has the character nor the devotion to others as those women.

    • I loved Ann, too. God, I wish she would’ve beat W and run for the presidency. Wouldn’t the world be a lot different if she had?

      I do think you’re wrong about sexism concerning Clinton, though. There are a couple of reasons: (a) Just because you aren’t aware of it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. And (b) sexism is systemic, not necessarily individual. There really is no way that any of us can look at Clinton without reacting to her as a woman and bringing whatever baggage we still associate with that to the picture even if we have learned to cover it up. I don’t know whether you have or haven’t, but I would caution you not to be so dismissive of the sexism that Clinton has had to face.

  84. …..telling

  85., one of my favorite news outlets, has a splendid article on Clinton as a politician and as a woman making that historic leap. You might enjoy it,

    When Clinton ran back in the year eight, I thought she’d win the nomination, but lose the election. There was too much anti-Clinton hate in the country. There is still is, but it is less now. I thought she was too divisive of a figure, then. Now, I think enough time has passed that she is more acceptable.

    Amazing how much Democrats have (a) bought into the Republican smear campaign against the Clintons and (b) don’t really accept women as equals.

  86. You have made my hour, day, month, year, decade with this essay. From Seneca Falls to yesterday is a (literally) unbelievable journey of mostly losing, but winning just enough to change everything. I’m with Her, and You!

  87. Reblogged this on The Psy of Life and commented:
    Another blog post so well written that I HAVE to reblog it! A well stated description of women in society.

  88. Reblogged this on Thoughts and Observations of a Certified Nut! and commented:
    Love the enthusiasm. And what she says about the suffragettes is so true. As a Christian woman who has been taught to submit, I think we forget how much we owe to women who didn’t. Christian women who today are wearing above the ankle dresses and trousers owe it to women who would have been branded as having a Jezebel spirit in their time, if the term had existed in the Church in those days. Rebellious women. We share in the fruits of their rebellion. Sorry, it’s just a fact.

  89. Hermina Jacobs-Sanson

    I would love to post this article on a FaceBook group I belong to but need the author’s name. Does anyone know?

  90. I am not on Facebook. But glad you liked the article. Feel free to post a link.

  91. I loved reading this post – so on point! Proudly displaying the “Woman Card”

  92. Sorry – that posted before I was finished — meant to say, the Woman Card I received from the Hillary Clinton campaign!

  93. Thank you! I’m so sick of this. Even the men (and some women I respect are saying, in effect, well, she’s okay, if you can’t get Bernie, and, it is kind of cool that we might have a female president. These are the same people that were over the moon when Obama made history by becoming the first black nominee. But now, we’re “not allowed” to be too excited because she’s not perfect. FTS! I’ve waited 66 years!

  94. It is sad that we have to write posts like this one, in the era of ahem, equality. It is sad that we even have to think such thoughts.

    I am not American, I am Indian. The country where women are routinely raped for entertainment. Yet, we have had a woman prime minister (your equivalent of president – the “de-facto” head) and woman president (“de-jure” head) decades ago. The chief minister (= your governor) of my home state is a woman (a corrupt woman, but woman nevertheless). It is really sad that in a country that boasts of complete and abject freedom, there has not yet been a single woman leader.

    Whoop all you want, I’ll join you from India, when Hillary wins her badge.

    You said that you are the only woman in the room most of the time, figuring out exactly how to manage the mens’ feelings […] while letting this guy think it was all his own idea, letting the other guy imagine that he just won a point […]

    I am no lawyer. But I do this ALL the time…ALL THE EFFING TIME. Dang.

  95. It sure isn’t my damn job, I almost cried, my favourite line, “But, you know, fuck that shit.  I am declaring a 72 hour moratorium on women having to worry about men’s delicate feelings.” I prefer a lifetime declaration.

  96. First time reader of your blog. As a young woman lawyer/entrepreneur/Hillary Clinton supporter, I was floored to find this post and this blog. Thank you so much. 🙂 ❤

  97. Reblogged this on Tbgwriter’s Weblog and commented:
    Well said!

  98. As a female attorney in the energy industry, I concur with you on all points. Also, go Hillary!

  99. Well said sister! This post made my day. I’m there right with you!

  100. for the love of reading check out
    and i am sure you will not like it but love it .

  101. Hey your forgetting about America and now all bout men vs woman…just like they want u to do! And as a woman I think Hillary is a liar and terrible politician. My freedom of speech as a woman!

  102. I am a woman and a professional too, but I don’t feel like I particularly need to manage men’s emotions. I worry for other people because I have a kind heart, and I think women in general have higher empathy towards other living creatures. Frankly speaking, I don’t encourage anyone to vote or support a candidate just because the candidate is a woman, or a man. We should vote for whoever is capable. I guess the only thing I appreciate your article is the “Hillary: Rise” video reference you attach. I would give a big BRAVO if it’s edited by you!

  103. If what this woman is saying is true about American women, then it time for American girls to grow up. Yep I said it. There is a world outside of America, and many women in many different countries have been appointed heads of state, presidents and prime minsters. They did not become heads of state because women thought it was their turn, most earned the position. The women of their countries didn’t run out in the streets and celebrate simply because a woman was elected as head of state. And we certainly did not manage our mens’ emotions because a woman was elected. Now as for Hillary. Did she earn this position or was she appointed? Rhetorical question. Do you not remember Libya? Do you not remember her cackling like a banshee at the death of the a male head of state, who was killed by being sodomised by a knife by NATO supporters. Have you not listened to her foreign policy rhetoric. Do you not realise she is going to take America into a third world war.

    • I recently shared my thoughts on this topic in a blog post I wrote called: “Not This Woman!” I’m a bit dumb in the “link to it” dept. I haven’t figured out the way to link my posts to others’ (as of yet) but I agree with you 100% Ms.Adams, and wish to God that there were more like us speaking up about the facts relating to Ms. Clinton’s “Illustrious” political CAREER! Thank you!

  104. As someone pointed out, there has been 240 years of voting, all desperately seeking to have his or her way, and that is all voting is, essentially, getting one’s own way. I want my Maypo, and I want it NOW!

    Our so-called “fore fathers” voted George Washington as our first President, a man who has been quoted as declaring that he “enjoyed the exhilaration of being shot at!” Thomas Payne declared, in one of his books, that Jesus Christ is actually Satan himself! Thomas Jefferson was elected President from 1801 to 1809. He declared that all men are created equal, and yet owned over 600 slaves!!!

    In 240 years, it has gotten progressively worse. Even for those who absolutely do not believe the Bible, how on earth do we explain away “Original Sin?” If we are all NOT born in sin and estranged from God at birth, how do we explain the rampant evil all about us?

    The following are questions I’ve excerpted from my life’s story, “My Life, the good, the bad and the ugly…” available at

    “…there are many who would insist that “life is what you make it.” Each of us possess the capacity for change, we are told. After all, we are made in the image of God.

    “We are given minds with extraordinary capabilities, enabling each of us the capacity to reevaluate and recognize what has led us down a wrong path, and then do an about face. We are told we possess “free will,” a capacity which enables each of us to choose to move in a more positive direction in our lives, a direction of change, of betterment, of hope.

    “Oh, really? Is life indeed that simple? Then how do we explain all the horrendous things that happen to good people? What explains war? It is my understanding there has not been peace on this planet, since man began recording history, with the exception of a hundred-year span. What accounts for that?

    “How do we explain the likes of Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein, Napoleon Bonaparte, and Leonid Brezhnev. A very modest list. Monsters, all.

    “Of course, we should not forget the likes of such ilk as Barrack Obama, George W. Bush, George H. W. Bush, Richard (Tricky Dick) Nixon. Last but not least, let’s not overlook Prescott Bush, the father of George H. W and the grandfather of George W.

    “Prescott had owned a bank in New York City. He was found guilty of using large sums of money from that institution for the explicit purposes of funding Adolph Hitler’s extermination of Jews! All this, while enjoying the fruits of living here in the good old U S of A!

    “Too, what of someone like Jeffrey Dahmer, who killed and then ate some of his victims? Is this behavior explained and understood as that of free will, of his choosing such aberrant and inexplicable behavior? Rather, is it conceivable that there are those who are hard-wired for other than so-called normal behaviors?

    “How do we explain, in the richest nation on earth, approximately three million women, children and men desperately seeking transitional housing or an emergency shelter? I suspect this is a conservative estimate.

    “How do we explain our obsession with placing far greater value on green toilet paper, commonly referred to as “money,” than human lives?

    “What explains the horrors of rape, incessant murders, child molestation, and women throwing their babies in trash dumpsters? How do you explain incest?

    “What explains children only 8 and 10 years old shooting strangers just to watch them die? And what explains a 6-year-old boy taking his Dad’s gun to school and shooting a 4-year-old girl to death?

    “To what do you attribute all the alleged shootings that supposedly has occurred in schools and colleges in our most recent memories? Evening news has every atrocity imaginable, to the extent that it cannot possibly be considered news any more.

    “How do we explain half the world’s population, approximately three and a half billion women, children and men, in abject poverty and starvation, without running water or sewage, food or a place to live? Are we to assume that all these people choose their circumstances?

    “Can life be reduced to that of simple choices, “free-will-choices,” devoid of any outside influences or forces of nature, illnesses, genetics, unforeseen and/or unpredictable circumstances or – oh my, God’s Will?

    “Additionally, how do we explain a mere 13 families controlling well over half the worlds’ wealth? One family in particular, the Rothschild family, possesses over 500 trillion dollars in gold bullion!

    “I’m quite positive, if queried, the millionaires, billionaires and trillionaires of the world would respond with a resounding, “we have earned it!” Yeah, right. You believe that and I’ve some swamp land in Florida I’d be happy to sell you.

    “While on this particular subject, that of the obscenely wealthy, how do we explain these very same families zealously going about the task of reducing the world population to five hundred million people, with their sights also set on a “one world government?”

    “And what of the other 99 percent of us? Do we choose a mediocre existence, usually just two to three paychecks away from living on the streets?

    “What explains half the population of the United States, one out of every two people, now living within the clutches of poverty, living from paycheck to paycheck? Do we choose our circumstances? All of this within the boundaries of what is reputed to be the freest and most wealthy nation on earth!

    “What explains some forty million people in “free” America without health insurance? How do we explain approximately 130 thousand people a year killed by “legal” drugs, even when taken as prescribed?

    “Additionally, with all the noise and hype about illegal drugs, how do we explain the huge chasm between those that die by “legal drugs” (approximately 130 to 140,000 yearly) and those that die by “illegal drugs” (about 10,000 a year), and the consequent silence by the “authorities” and the “news” media?

    “What explains there being more people killed by doctors, hospitals and pharmaceutics in the United States, than by Cancer and heart disease combined?

    “Curiously, how do we rationalize the incessant news media’s portrayal of us as perpetrators, rather than victims?

    “What explains two out of every three marriages ending in divorce? What explains political corruption? How do we explain rampant corporate greed, such as we see all about us, as within the pharmaceutical and so-called ‘health care’ industries, just to mention two?

    “Furthermore, why are ‘health care’ and pharmaceutics commonly referred to as industries?

    “How do we explain the incessant lies given by ‘pastors’ at church pulpits? Is this simply a matter of pastoral choices?” End of excerpt…

    Is all of this simply explainable as the result of a male-dominated government? Isn’t it conceivable, after 240 years, that we ALL had a hand in this craziness, men AND women?

    Why should we believe that a woman President will be any different than all of the preceding male Presidents? The system is flawed in that, major-ally, we fail to recognize that it is not possible for any of us to have freedom so long as we remain under a GOVERNMENT. Being governed and being free are contradictory, an oxymoron, water and oil. They just do not mix. Take a good look at the last 240 years.

    Whether it is a man or a woman, it is not existentially, physically, morally, spiritually possible for one human being to satisfy all the needs and wants of some 320 million separate and individual human beings.

    We don’t need government. We don’t need leaders. We don’t need cops. It is our individual responsibility to lead our own lives, to take responsibility for our own lives, including our own protection. Since September 11, 2001, there have been over 6,000 of us killed by so-called “peace” officers in this country. Ayn Rand once asked the question, “who will protect us from our protectors?”

    Handing over our individual responsibilities to a small segment of the populace, the government, is irresponsible, not to mention counter-productive and destructive, individually and collectively. Wake up, America!

    Bill Ernstberger

  105. (My apologies for the reply above, I meant to to be response to the main post. Please feel free to delete the errant reply, I haven’t been able to figure out how to do so.)

    I’m female. I’m a Bernie supporter. I came to that stance because I looked at both candidates and decided that Bernie policies most matched what I believe we need in America today, right now. I also looked at the voting histories of both candidates and found myself shaking my head at the way Hillary changes her position with the changing political tides. Yet, you don’t even acknowledge we exist in your delightful ‘satire’ above; is it too much to believe that a woman might not support another woman purely becuase she is a woman in politics?

    Instead you crack jokes about BernieBros (who I have yet to encounter as Bernie supporter), and MRA websites. Most of the men I know personally who are Bernie supporters are deeply liberal and/or progressive and find MRA’s to be appalling examples of their gender. My support of Bernie has nothing to do with his or my gender; my male friends who support Bernie do it not because of his gender, but his policies and history. In reading so much the last few days, the only people who claim to care about the influence of gender are the women who think women should support a female candidates because she is female, a la Madeline Albright.

    Will I vote for Hillary? Yes, because the alternative is much much much worse. There is far too much at stake, particularly where it comes to SCOTUS . But by being condescending to me, and all the other women out there who supported Bernie because we believed in what he was saying, not becuase he was a man, but because he had a truly progressive agenda, you make it that much painful to push that button in November.

    • I supported Bernie until the debate where he yelled and turned red and waved his fingers in Hillary’s face and interrupted her more than several times. I don’t want a man like that in the Oval. After I became a Hillary supporter, I found out out about the bros, and how they treat anyone who disagrees with them. You did not experience it, because you stayed in the congregation.

  106. I’m not in the USA but I WILL whoop and shake my bum and hi-5 every one when a woman officially becomes the president of the USA

  107. Bloody awesome post!! I’m Australian so I’ll join you in baring my bum to the English and a great big fucking celebratory dance when Madam President is elected!!

  108. Sparks Delaney

    Don’t care who anyone votes for .. but am so happy to see Hillary up there where she should be!

  109. I couldn’t agree more. A men can be very aggressive and “he’s just asserting he’s masculinity”, but a slight show of aggression from a women and she’s called a b*tch. This is true for all displays of emotion. For example, if Hillary raises her voice it’s considered shrieking, yet Trump and Sanders shout all day long.

  110. I’m sorry the men you know are a**holes, but please don’t assume we all are – to do so is to behave in the exact same way as those men who have oppressed women throughout history by asserting negative stereotypes about all women. Much like your comments about all men – which are, by definition, sexist. I’m sure you’re better than that.

  111. Amazing post! Thank you!!!

  112. Its a bit bewildering that the achievement earned so far is just to show the hand to a man’s face. Really, there needs to be a depth check there.

    As for foreign issues at stake; not only is Ms. Hillary a staunch supporter of the notorious ISIS that is reeking its roots into the Mid East, but also has a very intimate relationship with Natanyahu in terms of slaughtering and butchering little children of Palestine. Its not new, its not much talked about.

    For National issues the issues on religious freedom, Abortion, Health insurances and abandoning of Veteran pensions are at stake.

    Just rooting for the fact that a “woman” is at the front desk, is not a very wise move. Rooting for her because she is a “lesser” evil; then you haveNOT done your homework.

    I just hope the world goes back to its roots of humanity. Feminism wanted and fought for equal rights for women. Not become a movement to “Prove to Men” they are any better.

    As the mighty lady always said .”A lady does not have to tell she’s a lady; \”

  113. I am probably going to offend some of my “sisters” with what I have to say on this topic, but I would rather share my thoughts than hold my tongue. We American Women have worked our collective asses off to prove that we are at the very least, EQUAL to our male counterparts. In my humble opinion, we are far beyond EQUAL to them in many ways. The fact that we have proven ourselves to be as good or better than those who have been seen as superior just because of the genitalia they were born with has been a long, hard, heroic effort. The struggle to gain EQUAL status is one that our mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, daughters have tirelessly fought to earn. Generations of American Women, of all races, of all faiths from all corners of this Great Country have fought the good fight taken a stand against gender bias, and attained the right to be whatever we choose, despite our lack of being born with a penis!
    Having said that, I want to ask that all of my sisters think about the fact that we stand to lose a great deal if we vote for Ms. Clinton in the upcoming Presidential election. Please, read the rest of my comment before shutting down, and moving on to the next, Please!
    Look, I am 100% PRO Woman for the Highest office in the U.S. I feel, as most of us do, that it is way overdue. We, after all are the strength, the wisdom and the backbone of the men in our lives…which literally means that our past presidents, would never have been elected without our help, nor would they be half the men they were without us supporting them, cheering them on and reminding them of their strengths in their times of need.
    I have to ask all of you one simple question: Are you voting in this election with your vagina or is your vote based on knowledge that you have taken the time to attain by ignoring the candidates genitalia, and learning the facts about them both politically and personally?
    If we, as women vote for Hillary simply because she is a woman, we are no better than our male counterparts whom have voted to keep the “great penis” at the top, despite any negative record they may have had in the past.
    We have the opportunity to surpass our “equal” status, if we TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE AN INFORMED, INTELLIGENT DECISION, before casting our votes.
    Ms. Clinton, is a woman. That, my friends is the ONLY thing that she and I have in common.
    I have spent a great deal of time learning about the Presidential Candidates this year, and would ask that ALL OF MY SISTERS do the same before blindly casting your vote for the female candidate, simply because she has a vagina.
    If, upon learning about Ms. Clinton, and seeing who she REALLY is, what she REALLY stands for, and WHO she will be looking out for if she is voted into office, you decide to vote for her, that is your choice. I will not be voting for her in this election. Gender has absolutely nothing to do with my decision. Upon researching her political platform, listening to her speeches, promises, lies and self-serving career politician’s words to gain votes in any way she can,I feel that she is unfit to hold the highest office in this Great Country.
    Male or Female should not be the basis on which to vote. Don’t fall prey to the same shit our fore-mothers have fought so hard to remove from our society: If we are to be treated as equals, act as any logical, intelligent human being regardless of their gender would act: Base your decision to elect the next President of the United States of America on their PROVEN ability to do the job with integrity, not their genitalia.

  114. Amazing post!.Nice to read

  115. I’d like to say I’m astonished that strangers come to this blog and assume that the blogger and her commenters have no idea what we are doing by enthusiastically supporting and voting for Hillary Rodham Clinton – but, I am not. Watching these primaries unfold, like those of 2008, has inured me to comments like this – and those which were/are much worse.

    Take the dude whose comment is longer than the blog post, who mentions Ayn Rand (!) and who thinks we might just be interested in his life story – and gives us a link to his website hoping some of us might give him some traffic. This wasn’t a comment, dude, it was a lecture.

    Then there’s the woman who obviously does not trust “all of her sisters” to be competent enough to make their own “informed intelligent decisions” – and spends a lot of time and space attempting to shame us into agreeing with her, and insults our preferred candidate by making the statement that “she should be in prison” (she shouldn’t).

    There are others who don’t believe that BernieBros exist or who take offense because their Nigel would never harass us (they do); state that we “American girls should grow up” (we have) and assume that we “American girls” know nothing about other countries (we do); tell us that we should “stick to making babies and taking care of our man” (NO!); imply that the blogger is a lousy attorney (she isn’t)…

    All because we support Hillary, trust her record, actually like and respect her and will happily vote for her because of who she is…expect us in November.

    Hecate, I admire your magnanimous hospitality in these comments and very much appreciate it – thank you!

    • *go girl* this is absolutely what democracy is all about. the right to choose. but question……how is it that after two term of Democrats ….the next term will be theirs? It was already record breaking that with Obama the Democrats got two presidential terms….its Republican time now…..the hat is not in the voters hand…its rests on Uncle Sam’s head 😉

      Ah and Mr. Trump!….Oh boy! what is the world coming down to!

  116. blackboxvision

    I’m with her! We can’t afford to falter!

  117. This political writing has so many swear words that the meaningful words are crowded out and the meaning is almost obscured. It is almost like Malcolm X going into prison with only a hundred words in his memory, mostly 4-letter ones.

    The bit about not whistling seems to refer to females not STARTING a kiss. I never did, even after marriage (well, maybe then), but I did find after marriage that loving care makes even kissing really pleasant. Then even women can “return” if not “to the womb” to the breast of their moms (if they ever were breast-fed) or at least to the instinct that was denied. Usually we have to BE the mother for others to return to. I suppose that is what H. Clinton means about managing others’ feelings.

    I am tired of voting for X to avoid the horrors of electing Y. Despite US citizenship, I am sitting this one out. Yet Clinton may do some good. Power to her.

  118. My comment is to the attention of ziggyspeaks. This one sentence grabbed my attention: “In my humble opinion, we are far beyond EQUAL to them in many ways.”

    Lady, you are so right on! The notion that men are superior to women, that this “is a man’s world,” wormed their way into the collective consciousness in much the same way as the notion that humanity would become like savages, preying upon each other, were it not for government and the “necessity” for leaders. At least half of this is correct. Our respective “leaders” do behave very much like savages, perhaps preying equally upon each other as they do so deceptively upon us! But, they’ve had 240 years of practice, while most of us have been busy with just trying to get by.

    As to the so-called superiority of the male species, let’s have a look-see.

    First and foremost, women bring all of humanity into this world, with the help of God of course. When I was 17 years old I was in the back of an ambulance as an attendant. We didn’t have EMT’s in the 1950’s. There were three of us, the driver, myself and a woman giving birth to a baby boy. In addition to being terrified out of my mind, to this day I cannot imagine a man giving birth to a child…

    But your work doesn’t end there. Then there is the responsibility of raising us, seeing to our every need. You feed and clothe us, emotionally and spiritually, so often assuring us that we are loved. You teach us things that no teacher could ever conceive, building upon a solid foundation that will enable us to face the rigors of this life. So often this is achieved on your own, for so many men just up and leave you with all these responsibilities, including having to bring home the bacon!

    Then there are the subtleties of life. Women, generally, are so emotionally superior to men. Women possess a capacity that men more than not find impossible. Women are so much more in tune with their emotions, often crying when they are happy, even more so when they are troubled. We men think it unthinkable to display emotions through tears. It’s unmanly.

    Too, women so often display their affections for one another with tears and hugs. You see this evidenced so often. Rarely is it found among men. Oh, no! Other men might get the “wrong idea.”

    Rarely do we ever witness women in a knock down, drag-out fight with each other. Men, on the other hand, seem to learn the “manly art of self defense” at a very early age. This behavior continues through all years of school, even college. Then we volunteer to display our prowess by going overseas and wantonly killing people we don’t even know, simply because a gang of thugs in Congress and the White House declare it is the right thing to do.

    Women bring us into the world and men seem to do their level best to take us out. The military in this country, in cooperation with our “leaders,” are said to have eliminated some 82 million souls since the American Revolution. A very proud tradition. One way to look at all this is that we men are very good at preventing the world from over-populating. I don’t know…

    God speed…


    • “First and foremost, women bring all of humanity into this world, with the help of God of course” Wow. way to put men on a pedestal!

  119. Wow. Politics aside, This describes many experiences that I have had. I never did understand why I couldn’t have feelings of my own when I was required to tippy toe around the feelings of men. Ditto for the presumed feelings of women preferred by alpha men.

  120. “And so if you are a man who is going to have his feelings hurt tomorrow, who is going to be offended by women joyously celebrating a victory, maybe tomorrow would be a good day for you to go fishing with the guys.” — Bang on! This change should have come much before.

  121. Brilliant and very true. It’s a key skill for a woman, managing men.

  122. I love your post. We have to let people have their moment. I am a Bernie supporter but he didn’t win and that does not mean Hillary should not be allowed to celebrate. The writer of that post/article is allowed their anger,negativity and aggression so why is she not allowed her happiness. It is not just women it seems that no one is allowed their feelings if it does not fit someone else’s expectations. Instead of having such strong feelings about others emotions we need to exam why it has such an effect on our own.

  123. Fuckin say it. I’m not even in America, and Hillary wouldn’t have been my first choice, but yes yes and yes to seeing a woman finally, *FINALLY* head towards the Oval Office. And yes I will celebrate that, and it might be high – pitched and girly and filled with hugging and emotions that aren’t angry-joy. Thanks for helping me realise that that’s ok, it’s not their party

  124. Managing your feelings is not my job.

    Is like saying to people your problems you needed to face in your own way, while I deal with my own problems

  125. Hillary Clinton is a terrible choice, not because she is a woman, but because she genuinely is just a bad choice. Not as bad as Trump, but with that said, Sanders would always be my no. 1 choice. I can get behind your message for how woman are being treated in a society which says they are too emotional and wants you to behave in a certain way, but Hillary isn’t a good choice. She might be the first Female President, but I know she won’t be the best. The future will have better female Presidents that will outshine her.

  126. Daniel Maithya

    Follow me please

  127. adventuresinfilm79

    Damn good write up. Standing a little taller today ❤

  128. stateofauburn


  129. #Trump2016

  130. The Institute for the Study of Slightly Varying Circumstances

    It’s hard being a woman. You know how I know? They’re always reminding us.

    • Be careful. You don’t want to hurt womens feelings. They’re like warrior goddesses, they’re wonderful and we should bask in their wonderful grace, for they suffer and yet men are the ones that complain, while women just suffer in silence to spare mens feelings……….

  131. Pingback: Managing your feeling is not my job – sarahwritingblog

  132. Reblogged this on thoughtsvomit and commented:
    One of the commenters hit the nail on the head which I will quote here: “mcdupie | June 9, 2016 at 2:12 am | Reply
    Most women who read this post knew exactly what the writer was trying to say; and probably 50 examples of just that day came instantly to mind. It’s not about empathy, it’s not even about keeping the peace. It’s about how woman as a gender ( whatever our sexual orientation) bend over backwards to nurse the fragile male ego.”

    I know this too well because as a woman, I deal with this on a daily basis. It is incredibly frustrating and I fear this double standard will never go away.

  133. And while you state that history is the domain of men, I believe that history is the domain of those that remember. In terms of presidential history, it is the domain of not all men, only a few men.

    Thanks for the managing.

  134. HAahahahaha I love this !!

  135. This is so true! And as a young political science student who is just starting to make her way into this kind of conversation I’m very aware of this issue. I am a Hillary supporter and while I respect all political views I refuse to make what is a historic moment into an undervalued news because women shouldn’t celebrate to early. Fuck it! Let’s celebrate! She built the bridge that we will later cross!

  136. Pingback: What’s On Your Nightstand: June 2016 | Zezee with Books

  137. Pingback: Does wrongfully managing a man’s feelings always get you dumped? | Jilly speaks her mind

  138. I found this post very interesting. Aside from the political background of the article, “managing a man’s feelings” got me to thinking about what happens when we “manage wrongfully”. My thoughts about it:

  139. This is hysterical and perfect! It must be true because there are so many whiny comments! TY for this!

  140. This is “hilarious”! 😂… Thank u for sharing your thoughts in such a fresh way. The title attracted me and then the post kept me captivated. I think what you said is so true, but well… I’m a woman so… 😅

  141. I want you to thank for your time of this wonderful read!!! I definately enjoy every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff of your blog a must read blog!!!!

  142. I am just pretty happy to sign up ones own guestbook these days,Your own feedback and listed below are excellent in my opinion,incidentally I should say also definitely will teach some great supplements for your needs every.

  143. Pingback: Reflecting on 2016: Reading | Zezee with Books

  144. Hillary is no progressive…she is Republican light. And she lost to Donald Trump. Shame on her and shame on America; both !

  145. I DO agree, it is time to stop worrying about men’s feelings simply because they are male. To be polite and professional should be afforded to others in equal measure.

  146. Pingback: Managing Your Feelings Is Not My Job – Eliane Fersan

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